Two Shall Become One Flesh- Marriage?

Why get married?

There’s one reason for marriage that I purposely left out in the previous post on polygamy vs monogamy, and that is, marriage as a mirror of God’s love to us- Christ’s love for the church, His bride; and being a Christian, I would say, it’s the primary reason for it.

I don’t take it for granted that the Bible begins with a marriage (Adam’s) and ends with one (Christ’s): It all began with Adam, chilling lonely in Eden and for the first time God saw something that wasn’t good- for a man to be alone -(Gen 2:18,) so, He wanted to change that by making him a fitting helper. Animals were presented to Adam and no matter how beautiful they were, they couldn’t satisfy him so God made him the perfect helper, from his own ribs: the womb-man. “Hence the man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh“- not only at the sexual level, but totally combined. Both were naked and unashamed in the presence of God. This is God’s design.

How important is marriage?

The father identified a bride for his son. The son/groom would then travel to the bride’s home and pay the ‘bride price’ (mohar), which was known to the bride, gifts would be exchanged by both families, the bride and groom would drink from a cup of wine over which the benediction of betrothal was said and the marriage contract (included rules) was established. After this, she was set apart from her groom for a period of about one year whence she cleansed and prepared herself for the marriage. The husband on the other side, would take this time to prepare a place for them to live, usually in the father’s house. Except for the father, the exact moment of his arrival to take his bride was unknown in advance, and so the bride was to be ready anytime as he could blow his shofar, even at midnight. He and his escort would come back and take her to her new forever-home. Upon his coming, she would be taken and hidden in a bridal chamber for 7 days where the marriage was consummated first, and immediately the week-long feast would begin; i.e., the wedding. This was the customary ancient Jewish marriage ceremony.

Do you see it? This ceremony directly parallels the story of the Son of God in the Bible. In gross summary: He comes to earth, pays the bride price hence betrothing us, He says He went to prepare a place for us and will come to take us home. The amount of parallels in the two, at least shows that God is a good story teller, but seriously, His love for us is wonderful, He authored marriage and it’s important to Him.

Did you know the Bible sees close to only one reason out of marriage; death or adultery which by the way, makes top 10 in God’s commands and number 2 reason for divorces in the world, second to lack of commitment-, i.e., as opposed to not ‘falling out of love’ or ‘in love’ with another? Could it be it’s because marriage and sex within marriage is important to Him and that we should take it seriously too?

Now, in the previous post, https://insightstrove.com/is-marriage-worth-it/, I ended by suggesting that man’s sexual impulse was the problem and the reason why polygamy and the idea of not marrying is enticing to young men today.

Let’s venture into that for a bit: For the case of not marrying, in short, C.S Lewis puts it this way: sexual intercourse outside marriage is like trying to isolate the sexual union from all other unions intended to go along with it that make up the total union (one flesh). It won’t work as it wasn’t meant to work in isolation. The mess it makes of society is clear: diseases, abortion, single parenthood, etc. You cannot take the sexual pleasure by itself anymore than you can take the pleasure of eating by isolating taste from swallowing and digesting.

In the context of co-habiting, what is the point really? Stay together for the time being until something better comes along? I’ve heard people say: “I want to see if it’ll work and if it’s someone I can marry.” Basically, it’s test-driving persons. So what if it won’t work? Try another? and perhaps another? Truth is, you can’t know what it’s like to be married until you are. It’s a different equation. Factually, cohabiting couples are more likely to divorce than not. Couples that have married after cohabiting are also, more likely to get divorced than stick it out. The probability that the relationship will fail actually increases in this case. It makes sense though, right? The commitment and accountability level is different.

With polygamy, how many wives are we talking: 2, 3, 4, 5, infinity? How many are enough really? You get the point.

In Mere Christianity, Lewis reconnects the concept of justice with marriage, which is always overlooked. Marriage is a covenant/contract, right? Anyone that makes an agreement without the intention of keeping it, is dishonest and an imposter; and there’s nothing further to be said if he/she is contented with that. Otherwise, vows/pledges are binding. Always. Could it be that we’re just a bunch of dishonest people and this is our problem?

Conclusion

In the end, I agree with him that it’s better to remain unmarried and be guilty of fornication- not advocating for it- than to enter into an agreement you don’t intend to keep. What’s the point of that.? One wrong doesn’t solve the other. The fascinating thing is that lovers naturally exclusively bind themselves with promises without coercion; songs and poetry aren’t short of such. In this manner, with marriage, God, in Christianity specifically, is simply trying to guide our natural inclinations. Now, I know roses aren’t always red and that marriage has the capacity to be the most dangerous thing in your life and hence the insistence to be careful in selection, but, should we throw the baby with the bath water? It’s not a simple thing and I don’t think it has to be.

I’m I wrong in thinking sex out of marriage, before or after, is the underlying reason why marriages are so rough today? We have to figure it out individually, and as a society, sooner than later, don’t we? What do you think is the reason for the grim picture painted of marriage?

All that said:

There is a happy ever after in God’s love story but, what is a good romance story without jumping over some hoops, right? We left them naked and unashamed in Eden… So, Satan woes humans into sin and they were separated from their purposed relationship with God. God then embarks on a long journey to salvage this relationship through servants, covenants and finally, His beloved Son. The story peaks at the crucifixion and at resurrection, sin is defeated and the relationship can now be and is restored. I hope and pray we get our happy ever after here too.

Can we agree with Lewis that it’s wise to have two distinct types of marriages; by the state, for all citizens and the church, for it’s members?

Eph.5:31,32,33 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Marriage is not a Christian idea but it certainly is God’s idea and design.

The Marriage showdown: Polygamy versus Monogamy