The Marriage showdown: Polygamy versus Monogamy

What is marriage: and is it worth it?

Marriage: from ‘to marry’, is simply the relation/union of husband and wife; yes, man and woman. It’s also known as wedlock; from old English wedlac, meaning “pledge”. This is where we get ‘to wed’ and the term wedding. Usually, it’s marked with a ceremony, where the pledges (vows) are exchanged in the presence of witnesses and a symbol e.g., rings and nowadays, a license- for official purpose, is given.
Why do humans engage in marriage? The obvious response is; to celebrate love. It’s also to build families – raise children, and for political, and social-economic alliances.
Now, I understand that the word on polygamy is a whisper turning to a roar online and especially among the young men and I thought it wise to add my two cents’ worth counter-echo.

Round 1: Polygamy versus Monogamy in the wild

From an evolutionary biology point of view: A man’s purpose is to propagate and competitively ensure the survival of his gene, right? Which one do you think is better in this case: monogamy or polygamy/polygyny (one male, multiple females)/polyandry (one female, multiple males)?

I’ve heard it said that men are polygamous in nature arguing that we are like most animals, especially mammals. I disagree. While it’s true that most mammals- let’s talk primates- aren’t monogamous, for example, our dear old cousins the chimps and bonobos, who are apparently polygynandrous i.e., females mate with multiple males, and males mate with multiple females, there are also primates that are monogamous that even engage in pair bonding such as gibbons and titi monkeys. By the bye, did you know cockroaches are monogamous? Just found out🤣🤣🤣.

Let’s grant that all mammals are polygamous: does it matter? We are not mere animals. We’re significantly unique due to our higher cognitive abilities, morality and ethics, free will, spirituality, and I don’t know that we can say animals ‘fall in love’ but I’m certain humans do. It somewhat vexes me when we’re are compared to animals like that, because of this. I think we can all agree that our population biology and communities are very different. At this point, allow me to submit that we are trying to solve a different problem other than successful propagation of our genes notably since it’s mostly men, not women, advocating for polygamy – polygyny to be precise. Don’t misunderstand me, I know the average man prefers monogamy but there’s a rising roar against marriage and monogamy specifically so here we are!

👀Are we really facing the same problems as the other animals? And are you really trying to solve the problem for the benefit of the human species👀? If so, I think the chimps and bonobos already solved the problem for you. Although, you’ll quickly find out that most of these men won’t share their mates. Think about this: chimpanzees, with a gestation period of about 8 months, are endangered species today. Also, I thought our present worry was overpopulation, no?

Round 2: Polygamy versus Monogamy in human society

Apart from kingdom Animalia issues, the case for polygamy usually goes like this, most cultures have historically been polygamous (mostly true and was necessary), it protects widows, co-wives share responsibilities including co-parenting, children socialize each other and are a ready source of family labour, there’re more adults to share financial responsibilities, the man gets to satisfy more of his sexual urges- weird- and creates a social, economic and political alliances; which makes sense as the children may benefit from influence accrued. Question, if the few ‘alpha’ males get many suitable females, what happens to the rest and many males?

All these can be achieved through monogamy though. For example: It can produce many offspring too, a well organized society protects widows and besides, a responsible husband ensures to not leave his family exposed, more than one child is enough for socialization, alliances have obviously been made outside marriages etc. Monogamous relationships create special bonds between man and woman that are life-long, it clearly results in better-adjusted and successful children, creates more stable, secure, wealthy, and happy families.

With polygamy: Studies have not been able to consistently corelate legalizing polygamy with increased birth rates. Guess what, women have free choice and they select for more than financial/economic reasons. There is increased inequality, high levels of violence in polygamous societies i.e., among the children and the ‘less-suitable’ men, jealousy, produces emotionally and sexually unsatisfied women, and finally creates an unstable environment for children. Monogamy on the other hand, could be monotonous, and generally produce less children in the short term.

This shouldn’t surprise you; societies generally tilt toward monogamy, even where polygamy is legal (with religious anomaly); although, cheating is common. Marriage is not only about sex and by extension children, and sex is not only for making babies. It’s deeper than that. Both men and women have a responsibility to choose their mates wisely and wilfully, and moreover honour their pledges. I find polygamy unnecessary today and my suggestion is that we look deeply into the actual problem we face; sexual impulse in man.

What’s your take on marriage: Monogamy or polygamy or neither?

Two Shall Become One Flesh- Marriage?