We listen (read) and we don’t judge!

You aren’t safe, even in your own home

Story time!

On this particular day, upon waking up, I had a sick feeling in my stomach and I could feel a headache squeezing its way in. Unfortunately, I’ve had this feeling before, where my stomach and my head connive against me, so I knew exactly what was going on. “I cannot be sick today,” I told myself. This is because I had to attend an event that I was so looking forward to. I had even planned the outfit, and I woke up early specifically because I wanted to get there early. Determined, I was not going to let this stop me, but it was definitely slowing me down.

I took a shower and wore my very beautiful, floral maxi-skirt. At this point, I put some music on just to lighten my mood, the song playing was about thanking God for answered prayers. Keep in mind that my head is throbbing by now, so I’m humming along with the song instead of singing. I’m alone in the house. I don’t have pain killers, I usually do. I recalled something. “I have some magnesium sulfate in my kitchen somewhere.” If you know anything about magnesium sulfate, popularly called epsom salt, is that it helps with, to put it mildly, constipation; which I think is the cause of my problem, hence, problem solved, right? Yeiii! Disregarding the pain, I practically hopped to the kitchen, where I found it, made my disgusting solution and gulped it down with my eyes shut and my nose pinched. This is where the plot thickens.

Warning: it will get graphic in a minute, brace yourself.

I went to lay down for a bit, perhaps to allow the solution to work, or to just rest my head. Trust me bro😆, that thing works magic. I was feeling relief in less than 15 minutes. Great! I get off the bed to finish my preparations. I feel the need to rip one up. Don’t judge me like you don’t do it too 👀. I’m alone, ‘nobody’s gonna know’- now you do. Much obliged, I do. What proceeded, was not gaseous my people. Shart! I couldn’t believe it. The only thing I could do was laugh in shock! I know😒. I’m still laughing as I write this as I’m still in disbelief. I ran to the bathroom so fast, took a second shower, washed the clothes and the bathroom bacause…yeah.

My plan went to sh***! Anyway, I was relieved😂. I did attend my event, albeit late; in jeans as I obviously wasn’t in the mood to dress up. I learnt a few things this day: One, under no circumstances should you take epsom in the morning of an event. Two, God answers prayers, just in unexpected ways😂. Three, you are not safe ripping one even in your own home. I’m so glad I was alone. Otherwise, my day was awesome. How was yours?

Has this ever happened to you? Sorry, it’s obviously embarrassing, but what was your reaction?

We listen and we don’t? _(feel free to judge)