Battle of the sexes

A case for Masculinity/manhood

First, I’m very excited to finally write on this topic that i’m so passionate about. Sometimes i want to shout over rooftops. Let’s get into it.

Out of my own observation, this is a hot topic today everywhere. And i cannot believe what has become of civilization!

The root of the word masculinity is the Latin word masculinus, that is ‘male’ which stems from masculus meaning ‘worthy of a male’ and male is simply- of/relating to man (the sex that produces gametes, spermatozoa).

What makes ‘worthy of male’?

Of course, if you ask different people, they will give different answers, true to them but subjective; and hence my reason for starting with the definition. What makes masculinity is their production of spermatozoa. Don’t accuse me of reduction-ism, i’m being objective here. Many men and women in answering this question, almost always go to the social and religious expectations like providing, protecting, and preceding. Do not misunderstand me, these are very crucial items of being a man in the sense of roles and responsibilities biologically, socially, and spiritually. But, one can still be masculine and abscond all his responsibilities.

In the US, their war lies with the objective. Our battle in Kenya, is mostly with the responsibilities.

It’s obvious for anyone using common sense, that men and women are very different physiologically and this adorns us with different abilities to survive earth. Truly, it is sad to see how men and women are continuously invading each ‘earthers’ spaces and trying to compete. Of course, we will collide!

Twice, i have found myself in Nairobi CBD at midnight (In-Travel) .Usually at that time, buses to where i was going, are limited. It completely baffles me when i see men literally pushing women aside for them to enter the buses first. Me, i’d rather wait for an hour than push against anyone. Who do you think wins this battle here? I dare say, this is the average Kenyan man out here.

How did we get here?

It should be obvious but not all men are not so gentle. THANK GOD!

In contrast, someone recently went to Dubai for the first time and during the let-me-tell-you-how-it was-sessions, they couldn’t stop expressing how the women were queens (her words). From, simple things such as physical aid including pushing carts, carrying babies- outside the womb of course, to avoiding brushing shoulders with them, giving first priority to use lifts etc. Comparing it to my experience here was excruciating for me.

My empathy towards men is not limited. I understand that men are ‘expected’ to be strong. I’m using quotations because as much as we want to say society expects…society is simply; both men and women. Men expect men to be strong as much as women expect them to be strong, if not more so. As an example, we can observe this in boys’ high school bullying. Men do relatively very high risk jobs, work extremely long hours, laborious jobs, in ruthless conditions, most dare not complain and to that I say, “may God reward your work. We couldn’t do without you.“

At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, my belief is that the ordinary man has stepped down from the responsibilities (above) they have been adorned for. I often say, “if men lead, women will automatically follow.” I factually know that very very few women want to compete as men compete in their space. Myself, i just want me and my babies to be protected, provided for and preceded upon as i flourish in my femininity and responsibilities please. Mimi niende war!!!

There’s an interesting study done in the US about single father homes and single mother homes. They concluded that single fathers raised better adjusted children than the single mothers. This obviously goes against consensus. Know, i didn’t find many studies on this and i understand research is context-specific; we cannot generalize results. I’m intentionally summarizing and leaving out the name of the paper because of this. If interested look it up yourself and if you find more studies, please share findings. Also, i didn’t find a study in Kenya about the same. However, Kenya does have more single mothers then single fathers. This leads me to question, if this is the reason why Kenya is so messed up.

All that said, evidentially, we can all agree: children have a higher chance of being well- adjusted and successful if they are raised in a 2-parent home. Again, adornment.

My view: the battle between the sexes is very unwarranted, at the core, we are built differently, having different roles for the same goal of furthering the human species. If the cement and the water doesn’t mix well, the building will surely collapse. Understanding and supporting each other is key to the goal. The amount of fear and blame being thrown around is more harmful than helpful. That said, note that there are poorly adjusted men, same as women in our society. Take accountability and wisely select your mate. Be kind and love each other.

In a sequel, we’ll explore if women are special.

Share your thoughts. I’m i on track or did i completely miss the mark?

Battle of the sexes: A case for femininity